I’ve always loved women who are unapologetically abrasive
Women people deem as dirty, trashy, and classless
The ones who don’t wash their hair or smile if they don’t feel like it
Women who have a big, metaphorical middle finger in the air because they don’t care if you like them or think they are nice
I will always stand by those women
forever and ever and ever
"Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes."
This is my Father, Michael.
On the 7th of October 2012, this amazing man inevitably lost his battle with cancer after it had virtually taken over his whole body. The Doctors told us we would be lucky to have him for a year from the time he was diagnosed, and being the stubborn old thing he was, he hung on longer just to stick it to them. Not even once did he give up. Not even on his deathbed when the nurse told us he would pass away that night. Instead, he hung on for another 5 days with a huge amount of morphine pumping through his body and gave me a very stern ‘no’ when I said he was okay to let go.
To me, there is and never will be another human like Dad in my world. He was my entire universe and the closest thing to a soul mate that I think exists. We were partners in crime from the day I entered the world, right up until he exited, and I still feel him with me. No one could talk sense into either of us like we could each other. He saved my life more times than I can count and he never, ever gave up on me or stopped believing in me, no matter how badly I fucked up or hurt people. I am who I am because I was lucky enough to get him as a parent.
There are no words in any language known to man that could ever come close to conveying how much I did and will always love him.
So much bad has happened this year and my heart has been completely shattered, to the point that I honestly thought at times that I needed to just disappear. Without the values that he instilled in me and the strength he gave me, even in death, I would have just withered away and ceased to exist.
I love you, Dad. I always have and I swear that I always will, more than you could have ever understood. You live on through us and we will keep you safely with us until the end.
You always said to never say goodbye, so we’ll see you later. Promise.
“Bub, I love you. That’s all I ever do. Even when I am dust, all I am going to do is hang around and love you. Forever.”
"The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."
I’m barely alive
My heart just sunk at the thought of where you’re at
You’re not with me and I’m losing hold on the center of my life, it’s turning black
I feel so alone in this fucking city
Miles of separation, with only a phone to let you know
It’s killing me to stay so far away
But I can’t go back to that fucking place where I gave up my dreams
And I broke myself for acceptance, but it never embraced me
And it crushes me to know, every word I wrote to you never saw the fucking light of day
Would it have changed a thing? Could it have taken away our pain?
It was a lesson learned, but it was one I could have done without
I can’t live with a broken heart when it’s the one thing we share
A million miles away, so I’ll keep waiting
I’ll be waiting right here
If one of your friends/loved ones are feeling down, cheer them the fuck up. If they even make the slightest hint toward suicide, talk them the fuck out of it. Save their life. Constantly remind people close to you that they are beautiful, worth something and that you love them. Please.